Frigidity

Frigidity is presented not as an immutable defect in a woman but as a response that can emerge from the social and relational conditions under which her sexuality develops. The discussion traces it through painful sexual initiation, the demands of marriage, and the tension between erotic pleasure and self-respect. Its examples also show that a response formed in one relationship need not persist in another: frigidity is a condition to be understood in context, not a final verdict on a woman’s capacity for desire.

Conditions and Causes

The account locates some women’s sexual difficulties in early experiences that are abrupt, frightening, or shaped by another person’s expectations. It emphasizes the potential importance of a first sexual encounter: an inexperienced husband’s overexcitement, clumsiness, or brutality can leave a woman unable to respond, and repeated mishandling may turn an initial difficulty into lasting insensitivity. The argument therefore treats the beginning of sexual life as consequential, while refusing to make a woman’s response an isolated bodily fact.

The example of Mrs. H.N. makes that causal claim concrete. Raised prudishly and apprehensive about her wedding night, she was not allowed to prepare at her own pace. Her husband’s conduct made the encounter coercive and humiliating; the account says she remained frigid afterward. The case links her later response to the circumstances of that first experience, rather than presenting frigidity as a natural or inevitable feature of her sex.

Marriage can sustain such difficulties when it turns intimacy into an obligation. The solemnity of the wedding night, the expectation that the couple must perform a marital duty, and the assumption that the husband has a right to his wife’s body burden both partners. The wife may feel delivered to someone exercising a claim over her, while the husband may become inhibited by the idea that intercourse is required. Under these conditions, an encounter can become an ordeal rather than a freely desired exchange, and the book argues that this may condemn a woman to lasting frigidity.

Marriage and the Making of Sexual Response

The discussion also distinguishes difficulty from a supposed absence of erotic capacity. It reports that many wives become mothers and grandmothers without having experienced pleasure or even arousal, and that some seek medical certificates or other pretexts to avoid intercourse. In the account’s reading, this pattern exposes a contradiction: women’s erotic possibilities are broad, yet marriage claims to regulate feminine eroticism in ways that can suppress it. The problem lies not simply in individual bodies, but in a marital arrangement that makes sexual access a duty.

One reported case illustrates how a woman’s response may change within marriage and across her life. The woman initially experienced pleasure with her husband, but after two births intercourse became progressively less satisfying. She often did not reach orgasm; her husband’s satisfaction came first, leaving her anxious and resentful. She also described shame around one of his attempts to excite her, and a lack of tenderness in their intimate life. The account notes that she later became perfectly happy with a lover. That change is significant: her earlier experience did not establish a permanent incapacity, but arose within a relationship in which her pleasure and comfort were not adequately met.

Narcissism, Desire, and the Need for Recognition

The discussion places frigidity within a conflict between erotic desire and the effort to preserve a valued sense of self. For some women, becoming a sexual object seems to threaten self-adoration: lovemaking can feel like a loss of bodily integrity or a degradation of the soul. Frigidity may then serve as an attempted defense of the ego, while other women divide sensuality from affection, finding it difficult to experience both in the same relationship. The account presents these responses not as proof that women lack desire, but as signs of the conditions under which desire becomes difficult to assume.

A case reported by Wilhelm Stekel gives this division a particular shape. Mrs. D.S., frigid in her marriage to a respected man, later became the mistress of an artist and musician whom she loved deeply. She felt happy in his presence and organized her life around him, yet remained sexually cool with him. A different man, a forester, initiated an encounter that brought her intense physical pleasure, followed by disgust at the thought of the man she loved. She refused to marry the forester but continued the sexual relationship. The contrast separates attachment from bodily response: esteem and love did not guarantee pleasure, while pleasure with another man did not replace her emotional bond. The case shows how a woman may experience these dimensions as divided rather than reconciled.

Power, Submission, and Frigidity

The account also examines sexual response through the unequal positions men and women occupy in erotic encounters. When a woman asserts herself against a partner who treats sex as a contest for possession, she may find that the expected pattern of pleasure depends on her passivity; the book says that many women who surrender to pride become frigid. This is not described as a simple preference for submission. Rather, the available roles are shaped by a social hierarchy in which the man is better equipped to impose his wishes and the woman is expected to receive them.

For some women, yielding can seem less difficult than resisting: after a day spent working, struggling, and taking responsibility, abandoning oneself to a forceful partner may offer relief. But the account stresses that this response depends on believing in the partner’s superiority. It describes a woman who had enjoyed submission with several husbands and lovers, then became frigid after completing a difficult project in which she successfully managed men. Her changed standing altered how she saw her partners: accustomed to directing men, she could no longer experience their authority as convincing. The loss of their prestige, rather than a loss of erotic capacity in the abstract, made the former pattern of surrender unavailable to her.

The discussion further distinguishes genuine submission from a performance that satisfies neither partner. A woman who no longer believes in male superiority may see a man’s display of virility as childish rather than authoritative. In that situation, she wants an adult partner sharing a real experience, not someone acting out a claim to mastery. A woman who longs to surrender may consequently face a choice between pretending to be dominated, seeking a man she considers genuinely superior, or becoming frigid. The alternatives reveal how a response organized around hierarchy can fail when the hierarchy no longer appears credible.

Toward Reciprocity

The account contrasts these unequal patterns with the possibility of partners recognizing one another as equals. When modesty and generosity displace ideas of victory and defeat, sexual intimacy can become a free exchange rather than a contest or a performance of mastery. This possibility clarifies the broader argument: frigidity is not a fixed measure of women’s erotic capacity, but a response that may arise when desire is constrained by fear, duty, humiliation, or unequal power. Its causes and persistence depend on the lived relations in which a woman’s body and pleasure are situated.